BOULDER, CO - Skiing Magazine, the world’s friendliest and most sexually attractive ski magazine™, is pleased to announce the hiring of Gavin Gibson as digital editor. Gibson, a Michigan native, most recently worked as a custodian at St. Robert’s Memorial Children’s Hospital in Conway, Arkansas. He was dismissed from St. Robert’s in March for poor performance.
“Gavin is a nice young man,” says Ron Stewsbury, custodial staff supervisor at St. Roberts. “But the floors were always dirty. We’d often find him leaning against the wall, texting and whatnot.” Stewsbury said he noticed that Gibson had developed muscular thumbs from constantly using digital devices. After discussing Gibson’s case with hospital administrators, he decided to release Gibson to pursue, among other things, a future in digital media. “It was an easy decision.”
“St. Robert’s loss is Skiing’s gain,” says Skiing’s editor-in-chief, Sam Bass. “We’re thrilled to have Gavin aboard and look forward to a bright future with him. Sure, we need to iron out a few wrinkles, like excessive capitalization and exclamation-point usage, but it’s all there.”
Otherwise, staff reactions are mixed.
“We don’t have walls between our cubicles,” says video editor Tucker Neary, “so at least he decided to position his computer so that I don’t have to constantly make awkward eye contact with him.”
Associate editor Kevin Luby also seems lukewarm about the prospect of working alongside Gibson. “He uses the word ‘stoke’ a little too often for my tastes and he’s a bit twitchy. Caffeine, maybe? But he doesn’t smell, so I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt.”
I.T. Director Tony Pene is downright annoyed. “Just what I needed: another whiny-ass editor expecting me to ask ‘how high?’ every time he says ‘jump.’”
Gibson, for his part, couldn’t be happier. “I’ve been reading Skiing my entire life. In fact, I have a 25-piece ceramic sea-animal collection and each animal is named after a different Skiing staffer from mastheads of old. This job is my destiny.”
Gibson can be reached at email@example.com.
Based in Boulder, Colorado, Skiing is the magazine for serious-but-fun-loving-and-unpretentious skiers. Using funding grants from the White House’s Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships, Skiing publishes four print issues, 167 theoretical tablet editions, and an extremely futuristic website. Its readers may or may not furrow their brows when dropping into committing lines.