Sometimes, when you combine two awesome things their amazingness is so compounded that it can just about make your head explode. Peanut butter and Fluff, for instance: transcendent. Miley Cyrus and Notorious B.I.G: borderline life changing. But sometimes, the powers combine into something more bizarre than brilliant. Like, caffeine and desiccated meat.
Enter Perky Jerky, the world’s first performance-enhancing meat snack.
Inspired by two guys whose energy drink leaked onto their Slim Jims while they were skiing, Perky Jerky is just that: peppered beef soaked in guarana, the additive they put in Sparks caffeinated beer to keep you juiced all night.
Caffeine and meat snacks are within my top seven all-time favorite things, so I braved a taste. It went down like candy-coated escargot. The coating gave it a slimy texture, and it had a Robitussin-sweet taste that wasn’t quite masked by teriyaki flavoring. The effects were minimal at most. Granted, my performance for the day was based more on desk-bound tasks, like spelling Kaiserschmarrn correctly, than on high-adrenaline activities, but I didn’t feel much enhancement.
Still, the idea is appealing. A packet of Perky Jerky has as much caffeine as two Red Bulls. Being able to pull the equivalent of my morning coffee out of my backpack whenever I want sounds good to me. And probably to the people who have to hang out with me in the a.m. Pros: Good for early mornings in the backcountry without access to coffee. Cons: Do you really want to know what Amp-flavored jerky tastes like? [www.perkyjerky.com] -Heather Hansman