Member Login

Logging In
Invalid username or password.
Incorrect Login. Please try again.

not a member? sign-up now!

Signing up could earn you gear and it helps to keep offensive content off of our site.


Perky Jerky

Perky Jerky

[ November 9, 2009 - 6:31pm ]
perky jerky
Now, even your meat snack can get you juiced.

Sometimes, when you combine two awesome things their amazingness is so compounded that it can just about make your head explode. Peanut butter and Fluff, for instance: transcendent. Miley Cyrus and Notorious B.I.G: borderline life changing. But sometimes, the powers combine into something more bizarre than brilliant. Like, caffeine and desiccated meat. 

Enter Perky Jerky, the world’s first performance-enhancing meat snack.

Inspired by two guys whose energy drink leaked onto their Slim Jims while they were skiing, Perky Jerky is just that: peppered beef soaked in guarana, the additive they put in Sparks caffeinated beer to keep you juiced all night.

Caffeine and meat snacks are within my top seven all-time favorite things, so I braved a taste. It went down like candy-coated escargot. The coating gave it a slimy texture, and it had a Robitussin-sweet taste that wasn’t quite masked by teriyaki flavoring. The effects were minimal at most. Granted, my performance for the day was based more on desk-bound tasks, like spelling Kaiserschmarrn correctly, than on high-adrenaline activities, but I didn’t feel much enhancement.

Still, the idea is appealing. A packet of Perky Jerky has as much caffeine as two Red Bulls. Being able to pull the equivalent of my morning coffee out of my backpack whenever I want sounds good to me. And probably to the people who have to hang out with me in the a.m. Pros: Good for early mornings in the backcountry without access to coffee. Cons: Do you really want to know what Amp-flavored jerky tastes like? [] -Heather Hansman


perky jerky

  • No HTML tags allowed

More information about formatting options

Type the characters you see in this picture. (verify using audio)
Type the characters you see in the picture above; if you can't read them, submit the form and a new image will be generated. Not case sensitive.
All submitted comments are subject to the license terms set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use