In the new century, segregation has no place on our slopes.
Pity, not jealousy, is the emotion I've long felt for the Ajax Mountain faithful, duping themselves with a false sense of superiority, perhaps even entitlement and, yes, privilege. Ahh, Ajax. Colorado's last bastion of elitism. Welcome to your destiny.
There's really no need to be afraid. But understand there will be a price to pay for every snowboarder ever banished to Buttermilk like an indignant Rosa Parks just so a skier could have his seat on the lift.
We'll arrive en masse to savor the steeps our gravity-fed sport hungers for. We'll wear baggy clothes and flaunt our tattoos, all the while flashing a devilish grin to make Jack Nicholson cringe as we carve up Ajax Mountain's formerly forbidden powder with ease unknown to the throngs of ski wankers still learning to steer their Chubbs.
What about tradition? Not to worry. Lots of other bad traditions have fallen. Like clear-cutting timber. Or Day-Glo.
The fact of the matter is Ajax loyalists have never offered an anti-snowboarding argument valid enough to mask their transparent fear that riders won't meet the dress code. Ever seen a boarder wearing a Bogner one-piece?
You can keep your fur-lined collars and stretch pants, too. And while we're taking inventory, you can have your precious moguls as well. Here's a news flash, skiers: Boarders don't like bumps. While you guys waste your day connecting the ruts between bone-jarring ice heaps, we'll be off in the trees doing things you've only read about in books.
It's the skiers who suffer from piste envy. Snowboarders are here to help. Boarders have known for years what skiers and car salesmen have recently come to understand: Wider is better. During the early season when the Ajax base is sugar snow, boarders will be the darlings of the mountain for their ability to pack out trails that would otherwise remain unskiable for weeks.
And don't even play that "safety" card. Sheer volume equates to far more bad skiers in the world than snowboarders. Factor in the learning curve, and snowboarders have an added advantage. In no time flat, a good athlete will be shredding Bell Mountain like Quasimodo on a Red Bull bender.