Three guys from Michigan were on a bromantic getaway in Crested Butte, Colorado. They’d left their wives at home. They ordered a manly sausage, pepperoni, and bacon pizza at the Secret Stash on Elk Avenue. Following dinner, they ventured downstairs to the bar, and after pondering the cocktail menu for a few minutes, they ordered three Fuzzy Navel shots. Yes, that’s right: Fuzzy Navels. Bartender Nina Cotton stared at them for a second, just to see if they were kidding. “They thought they were so cool,” Cotton says. She poured them three shots—half peach schnapps, half vodka, and a drop of orange juice. Afterward, they asked Nina where they should go next in town to have a good time. “I wanted to tell them to give up and go back to their hotel,” she says.
To avoid the same mistake these losers made, there are a few rules you should consider. If you’re in a ski town—or anywhere, for that matter—don’t order shots with names like Chilled Apple Pucker, Blow Job, Red-Headed Slut, or anything with the words “orgasm” or “nipple.” Don’t order a shot with more than two ingredients, and neither should be Bailey’s, Kahlúa, or Sour Puss raspberry liqueur. Absolutely no whipped cream or tiny paper umbrellas. Just like at Starbucks, the longer and more elaborate your drink order, the more likely you are to go home alone. For girls, just because you can order whatever you want, doesn’t mean you should. “Man up,” says Cotton. “Nobody should be seen ordering a drink like that unless you’re on a bachelorette party in Vegas.”