Skiing offers all the thrills-without the consequences.
It's not that I'm against sex. Without sex, none of us would be here, and there'd be no one to run the lifts. Without sex, for heaven's sake, Killington and Aspen would spontaneously cease to exist.
And before we go any farther (just a figure of speech), we should define what we're talking about. If by sex we're talking about one of those earth-shaking sessions with your soul mate (who happens to be Charlize Theron), when the stars-and everything else-align, well, I'll skip first chair. But if you're talking about the time I had too many Jägermeisters during that freshman-year kegger at the frat...never mind.
I understand and appreciate that skiing and sex are often perceived as inseparable. I once heard a guy brag of making a conquest on the gondola at Stowe, Vt. This not only makes me sick (my kids use that lift), it makes me wonder what kind of Don Juan the guy thinks he is. It's an eight-minute ride to the summit. And I even appreciate the ways in which skiing is like sex. Even when it's not that great, it's still pretty good. And if you hit it right, it's orgasmic. Multi-orgasmic, even. There's nothing like the bliss of first tracks on a powder day; skis plunging in and out of the soft, yielding powder; heart racing, breath coming quicker and hoarser until...until...
Where was I? Oh yes: Reasons Why Skiing Is Better Than Sex:
In the end, skiing is just less complicated. My skis and I have a comfortable, open relationship. They're content to enjoy my company for a few wonderful hours, without looking all hurt when we don't see each other for a couple days.
So look, Megs, I'm just watching out for you. It's awfully easy for a girl to get a reputation these days. And judging by the blue booties you're knitting lately, you're aware of the consequences of a romp by the fire.
So the next time your hubby gets that look in his eyes, hand him a pair of skis. And tell him that skiing is better than sex.