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Don't Come-a-Knockin'

Cold Front
posted: 12/13/2004
by Sam Moulton

Last July, the town of Lake Louise announced a proposal to build a six-mile electric fence around its perimeter as a way to keep grizzly bears at bay. (A similar fence recently went up around Lake Louise resort.) We think it's a great idea: Stateside ski areas could benefit from such measures. Below, some suggestions for future barriers.

The Resort: Keystone, ColoradoThe Barrier: A moat filled with warm, soapy water. To Guard Against: Smelly credit-card hippies from Boulder who missed the exit for A-Basin.

The Resort: Hunter Mountain, New YorkThe Barrier: A wall of giant televisions broadcasting Yankees highlights 24/7.To Guard Against: Red Sox Nation.

The Resort: Yellowstone Club, MontanaThe Barrier: Cardboard cutouts of Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh.To Guard Against: Ted Turner.

The Resort: Deer Valley, UtahThe Barrier: A giant dome that covers the resort at the push of a button.To Guard Against: Snowfall-because the filthy rich are entitled to sunny weather.

The Resort: Taos Ski Valley, New MexicoThe Barrier: An ancient family mandate.To Guard Against: Snowboarders. Wait-that one already exists.

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