Best Of: A Safer, Warmer, Plumber's Butt

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Snow Reports:

Arapahoe Basin open H 82° L 45° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open 2 of 8 Base Lower/Upper 25/25

Ashcroft Ski Touring closed H 70° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Aspen Highlands closed H 70° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 5 Base Lower/Upper /

Aspen Mountain closed H 70° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 8 Base Lower/Upper /

Aspen/Snowmass Nordic Trail System closed H 70° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Beaver Creek closed H 69° L 39° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 25 Base Lower/Upper /

Breckenridge closed H 66° L 41° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 31 Base Lower/Upper /

Buttermilk closed H 70° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 8 Base Lower/Upper /

Copper Mountain Resort closed H 67° L 40° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 22 Base Lower/Upper /

Crested Butte Mountain Resort closed H 69° L 39° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 16 Base Lower/Upper /

Crested Butte Nordic Center closed H 69° L 39° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Devil's Thumb Ranch closed H 69° L 37° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Durango closed H 64° L 34° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open 9 of 10 Base Lower/Upper 47/51

Eldora Mountain Resort closed H 71° L 40° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 11 Base Lower/Upper /

Gold Run Nordic Center closed H 66° L 41° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Grand Lake Touring Center closed H 68° L 40° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Irwin closed H 58° L 32° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 1 Base Lower/Upper /

Kendall Mountain Ski Area closed H 60° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 1 Base Lower/Upper /

Keystone closed H 65° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 20 Base Lower/Upper /

Loveland Ski Area closed H 68° L 39° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 9 Base Lower/Upper /

Monarch Mountain closed H 75° L 45° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 6 Base Lower/Upper /

Powderhorn Resort closed H 79° L 47° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 4 Base Lower/Upper /

Purgatory at Durango Mountain Resort closed H 80° L 39° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 10 Base Lower/Upper /

Silverton Mountain closed H 60° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 1 Base Lower/Upper /

Ski Cooper closed H 59° L 32° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 5 Base Lower/Upper /

Ski Granby Ranch closed H 69° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 5 Base Lower/Upper /

Ski Hesperus closed H 77° L 44° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 1 Base Lower/Upper /

Snow Mountain Ranch closed H 69° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Snowmass closed H 67° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 21 Base Lower/Upper /

SolVista Basin closed H 50° L 28° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open 0 of 5 Base Lower/Upper 24/25

Steamboat closed H 76° L 49° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 18 Base Lower/Upper /

Steamboat Ski Touring Center closed H 73° L 50° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Sunlight Mountain Resort closed H 74° L 42° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 3 Base Lower/Upper /

Telluride Ski Resort closed H 60° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 18 Base Lower/Upper /

Tennessee Pass Nordic Center closed H 59° L 32° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Vail closed H 67° L 40° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 31 Base Lower/Upper /

Vail Resorts Nordic School closed H 68° L 40° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Vista Verde Ranch closed H 69° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of Base Lower/Upper /

Winter Park closed H 68° L 39° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 26 Base Lower/Upper /

Wolf Creek Ski Area closed H 79° L 38° 24 hour snow " 48 hours snow " Lifts Open of 7 Base Lower/Upper /

No offense, but your quarter slot is not the new cleavage. That look went out in early '03. But if you must reveal your moon sliver, have the decency to wear a pair of Rossignol 2L low-riders. The two-layer, waterproof-breathable cargo pants come with a removable waist gaiter to keep the pow away from your buns.

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